


If Only I Knew

by yoonyul4eva



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Family Fluff, Mutual Pining, Romance, implied viseul - Freeform, major lipsoul, minor chuuves, minor hyewon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:47:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 18,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24266119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonyul4eva/pseuds/yoonyul4eva
Summary: jinsoul, volunteering as an assistant at a kindergarten, bumps into her crush back in university... only to find out that she now has a daughter of her own, and is very much single.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Park Chaewon | Go Won/Son Hyejoo | Olivia Hye
Comments: 9
Kudos: 174





	1. i

“Jinsoul-unnie!”

“Soulie-unnie!”

The said girl steps into the kindergarten with bags full of presents for the children, the brightest smile on her face when she sees the kids running towards her. Working here as an assistant is more rewarding than Jinsoul had ever thought it’d be. Having the chance to accompany others and observe the kids grow up has taught her so many lessons. An off day also means more time to think of what she can to be a better teacher. She knows they don’t really need her help for the day but since Children’s Day just passed, Jinsoul decided to grab some nice gifts on her way home.

“Yeojin-ah, this is for you.”

The pretty, pig-tailed child comes hopping to her with an ice cream cone in one hand, dripping down her tiny wrist. Well, she obviously has no qualms dirtying her overalls.

“Thank you, Unnie!” Yeojin squeaks out of happiness, hugging the nicely wrapped box in her free arm.

Jinsoul hands out another box to a little girl named Chaewon, whose arms were linked with her best friend of the entire group of children, Hyejoo. This pair of friends probably interest her the most, because they’re the exact opposite of each other.

Park Chaewon, who typically wears princess-like dresses, plays with dolls and dollhouses, enjoys talking and playing together with Son Hyejoo, who’s always dressed in t-shirts and shorts, having a remote control for the car kept safely in her bag. Polar opposites who could get along as well as them are hard to find, much to the teachers’ amusement. The way Hyejoo brings Chaewon out of her protective shell effortlessly, and how Chaewon could calm Hyejoo’s emotions with a single smile of her own. Even right now, Hyejoo is the one holding Chaewon’s present for her on top of her own. It’s one of the cutest things to witness, though it happens every day without fail.

Her eyes narrow at the small figure huddled up in the corner with a sad pout on her face – Jinsoul has never seen this cutie before. In fact, none of the kids are shy, they’re actually rather loud and rambunctious around each other.

“Jung Jinsoul!”

“Oh… Haseul.”

The short-haired woman pretends not to notice the slight hesitation in Jinsoul’s voice, but her expression can’t hide the tiniest pinch in her heart – to think that years of friendship could just go down the drain. Jinsoul had lost contact with her after entering university, understandable considering her course and heavy workload. Haseul, on the other hand, could feel the girl was slowly pulling away from her too.

“So… what are you doing here?” Jinsoul asks sheepishly, her hands shoved deep into her pockets. She wonders if it’s too harsh of a question, not that it could be taken back. “I mean, I’ve never seen you before and I’m here almost every day.”

Haseul merely looks back at her with a smile of her own, “my daughter has been attending class here for almost a year now. She is in nursery but most of her friends are in the class above hers.”

“Oh… wait! Yeojin is your daughter?!”

***

“Hyejoo…”

“Son Hyejoo…” Hyejoo turns to the much smaller-framed girl standing beside her, the latter’s fingers incessantly tugging on the hem of her shirt. She cocks an eyebrow (as best as a child can) and puts down her remote control. “What, Unnie?”

Chaewon doesn’t give an audible response, simply pointing at the other girl huddled up by herself against the bookshelf. Once upon a time, she was once in that position as well. Her family had just moved houses, and this kindergarten happened to be relatively nearby. Being a new student is never easy, especially after all the other children have bonded and formed friendships with one another. Don’t talk about preschool, even as an adult, it’s difficult to actually include themselves or try to make new friends. So, how could Chaewon, a mere five-year-old then, do that all by herself?

Thankfully, there was Hyejoo – another girl who didn’t bother to play with anyone despite being alone. It had come to everyone else as a surprise when she approached Chaewon first.

“We can play with her… she can be our dog! Since you’re my wife!”

“I’m not!” Chaewon all but shrieks at the bold statement, the pink tint on her chubby cheeks giving away the embarrassment. “And don’t call her a dog! She’s a cute girl!”

Nevertheless, the two friends walk hand-in-hand towards the lonely girl with nervous hearts. It’s going to be a fun time for all of them, as long as she’s willing to play with them.

Kim Yerim.

That’s her name.

Yerim just transferred to this district with her mother, having bought their own apartment and moved out from her grandparents’ house. Initially upset at the sudden decision to change schools and all, Yerim had ignored her mother for three days straight. Although both her mind and her heart were telling her that this was for the best, what else could a five-year old do besides throw tantrums? It was only after eavesdropping on a conversation she was clearly not invited to; her mother had been arguing with someone (probably her grandmother) and ended up in tears. Both of them had their dinner with tears and snot all over their faces.

“Hey…”

Tilting her head at the two girls standing right in front of her, Yerim hopes they aren’t here to poke fun at her. It’s not exactly a dream to come true to be picked on.

“What’s your name?”

“K-Kim Yerim…”

“I’m Chaewon…” Chaewon smiles shyly, tucking her hair behind her ear. She beckons her best friend to introduce herself, rolling her eyes when Hyejoo ignores her. “And this is Hyejoo… who’s being super mean right now but it’s because she’s shy!”

That statement can’t be any more doubtful, not with Hyejoo who’s not looking at her at all. She seems to be more interested in that little car moving around without restraint than an actual human being. For some reason, Yerim finds it intriguing although she’d find it irritating on most days. The vibe and aura she’s getting from Chaewon and Hyejoo differ in so many ways.

“Well, let’s go. You can be our dog, Yerim.”

“WHAT?!”

***

“Her surname is Hwang though…”

Haseul smiles at the thought of her family, the memory of her wife chasing their daughter around the apartment playing on repeat. “My wife’s last name is Hwang so we decided to go with it…”

With eyebrows furrowed and her mind in a whirl, Jinsoul can’t wrap her head around the new information. As far as she knows, her surname does not happen to be Hwang.

“Wait… did Jungeun change her last name?”

“What does my marriage have to do with Jungeun?”

The two women stare at each other in confusion; they are most certainly not on the same page. With the way Jinsoul is staring at her, Haseul wonders if an extra ear has grown in the middle of her forehead. The last time she’s seen Jinsoul this confused is probably after their test results came out. She had even pulled an all-nighter – something she’s against – and somehow failed that particular examination. What confuses her more is why Jinsoul is confused, and why she brought Jungeun up. It’s been years since Haseul has seen the other woman too; then again, Haseul did have a very private wedding and with their families only. Her friends and other relatives didn’t even know about it till Yeojin was born.

“Okay, I think there’s a misunderstanding,” Haseul sighs, chortling at the dazed look on Jinsoul’s face. “I’m married to Kahei, and we decided to use her surname in the Korean translation for our daughter.”

Kahei was one of her mentors back in the design company Haseul used to work in. The older woman was assigned to bring her around and get her familiar with how things were organized. Their meeting was actually unlike how anyone would have predicted it to be. Kahei, known for her demure personality, had kicked up a tantrum the moment they were out of the manager’s sight.

Jinsoul stops just before they re-enter the school gate, “so… you didn’t get married to Jungeun?”

“Sweetie, we were never dating each other. Why would I get married to one of my close friends?”

_… Close friends?_

With her thoughts in disarray, Jinsoul watches Haseul stroll into the kindergarten to pick her daughter up. Never did she expect to bump into people from her university, and for one of them to be a mother already. This also brings her right to the next question; what happened to the whole dating fiasco between Jungeun and Haseul? The memory of stumbling into Jungeun’s bedroom one night and finding the two on the same bed had shattered Jinsoul’s itty bitty crush on the latter. Of course, no one did anything wrong or has to be held accountable for her useless feelings, but it still hurts to this very day.

“Jinsoul?”

“Jung Jinsoul? Is that you?”

_Speak of the devil._

It’s not every day your crush back in university appears in front of you, and with a beautiful haircut that could set Jinsoul back for days. She once thought about her reaction if she could ever see Jungeun again – perhaps her heart would stop racing by then – oh, how wrong she is.

“Hi… Jungeun.”

***

“STOP PETTING ME!”

“Hyejoo, stop…” Chaewon groans, trying to stop herself from losing her temper. She may be young and completely small enough to keep in a pocket, but she can pack a punch. “You’re going to make Yerim cry!”

Chaewon genuinely thought the latter was kidding about making their new friend the dog of their family, but Hyejoo had started doing everything she would to a pet. Whether it was tickling her chin or ruffling her hair, Hyejoo did all of it – and to a new girl, no less. Her best friend could be such a tyrant at times; it’s no wonder no one else approaches them of their own accord. Obviously, the new girl is starting to regret the decision of becoming friends with them. Judging by the tear-filled, glossy eyes and red nose, Chaewon can tell this will be the first and last time Yerim plays with them.

“I’m going to get mad!”

Yerim watches in astonishment as Hyejoo immediately stops her antics, pulling on her arm so they’re sitting side by side. She can’t believe that’s all it takes for Hyejoo to stop being annoying.

“Don’t get mad at me, Chaewonnie.” Hyejoo pouts, flashing those adorable puppy eyes at her best friend. “I just wanted to play with her! Doesn’t she look like a cute dog?”

“I HATE YOU!”

Everyone jumps at the unexpected exclamation, watching in stunned silence as Yerim pushes Hyejoo away from her before bolting into the classroom. Out of the many students who have been Hyejoo’s victims, this is probably the first time someone has actually done that. No one expected it to be Yerim; the girl might be quiet and all, but she typically has a smile on her face. Perhaps Chaewon’s idea to befriend her was as well-planned as she thought it was.

Chaewon crosses her arms over her chest, walking away from Hyejoo with a frown on her face. She isn’t really surprised, but she called it as soon as Hyejoo started petting the girl on the head continuously.

“Ladies? What was that screaming about?”

Looking up at her favourite teacher, Chaewon finally stops frowning and goes running into the taller woman’s arms. She wraps her arms tightly against the teacher’s neck, burying her face into her comfortable shoulder. “Hyejoo made fun of the new girl… and kept calling her out pet. Yerimmie got upset and ran into the classroom alone.” Hearing the hum in acknowledgement, the little princess retreats into the teacher’s silent but comforting embrace. She has a rather strong feeling her best friend will get away without a single punishment but her heart doesn’t feel too good about Yerim. 

Hyejoo crosses her arms, ignoring the slight glare coming from the teacher. She’s not the least bit afraid of this woman, not when their teacher is nothing but a dork back home.

“CHILDREN! LOOK WHO’S BACK!”

The kids seem to go wild at the teacher’s voice, screaming and laughter echo across the play corner as they rush over to the said woman. Very much in contrast to the previous teacher, this one always has a wide smile on her face that can’t seem to be erased. Whether she comes bearing gifts or new books for them, everything she does is welcome. It’s no big surprise that she is the most popular teacher amongst them; her jumpy and upbeat attitude towards everything just wins hearts effortlessly. No one needs to know this either but the way her appearance calms the much taller, stricter teacher takes the cake.

“Miss Kim…”

“Yes, Heejin?”

Heejin, with a lollipop in hand, has her free one tugging on the end of Jiwoo’s dress. She holds out another lollipop that was hidden in her pocket and gives it to the teacher. “The new girl is hiding inside the classroom… I want to give her this.”

Miss Kim Jiwoo – one of the nicer and more understanding teachers in this kindergarten. Of course, none of the teachers are actually angry or scary as the children find but the smiley ones just feel warmer than others.

“I’ll go get her, sweetie. Don’t worry.”

Sighing to herself when she spots Chaewon all wrapped up in _her_ embrace, Jiwoo already knows their resident troublemaker is once again the source of the problem. When her eyes meet the other teacher’s, she feels her heart bit just a bit differently. It’s how things have gone for years between them – to say that they had a spark would be an understatement, especially when the latter never stops staring at her. Everyone knows their relationship isn’t just ‘colleagues’ or ‘friends’ like how they say it is. The kids have even made kissy faces and mischievious little gestures at her (unbeknownst to Miss Ha, because she would whoop their asses if she witnessed that).

According to little Heejin dressed in her adorable pink hoodie, their newly transferred child – also the daughter of someone she had recently connected with – had gotten emotional and hid herself in the classroom. It reminds her so much of Chaewon when she first arrived, so it’s no wonder their tiny princess is worried about her.

“Yerim-ah…”

When there’s no response, Jiwoo walks just a bit further into the room and begins to smile. She should have known that someone else would be here to get Yerim out of her shell by now. Her gut feeling never fails to impress. At least she knows for sure the poor girl isn’t alone and is in relatively safe hands.

Jinsoul has her back facing the door, kneeling on the perfectly protected floor in front of the little girl. She can’t help but feel slightly amused at how upset Yerim looks; this might not be the first time she deals with such cases, yet it hits her very differently. Yerim has her knees huddled up to her chest again, tears streaming down both cheeks without an ounce of control whatsoever. This alone, reminds her so much of Jungeun when they were roommates back in university. Whenever the latter was extremely stressed out or had problems on her mind, she would find Jungeun sitting on the floor beside her bed in that same position.

“Can you tell me why you’re sad?”

“C-Chaewon-unnie’s friend is so mean…” Yerim sniffles into her long sleeves, struggling to wipe her snort and tears off at once. “She thinks I’m her dog and not a human!”

After praying she wouldn’t get pushed away or rejected, Jinsoul reaches out and scoops the young one into her embrace. “Don’t cry, Yerim-ah. I’m sure she was just kidding, baby girl. You look just like a flower to me, a freshly bloomed one.” Jinsoul coos ever so gently, rocking her back and forth in her arms. She loves children so much; one, because of their pure innocence and more so, the hearts that are full of acceptance for everything and everyone. It is also, however, that same innocence that could cause them to get hurt and angry at one another. This is when Jinsoul wants to step in. The importance of friendships that can be made and misunderstandings that can be solved will be settled under her watch.

Jinsoul feels Yerim’s breathing start to stabilize after a short while, her arms coming up to wrap around Jinsoul’s neck. She feels a small blush appearing when she hears her next words. “I like you a lot, Unnie. You’re so pretty and kind to me… What’s your name?”

“My name is Jinsoul, but you can call me Jindori. No one else calls me that so it’ll be our little secret, okay?”

“Okay, Jindori…”

Usually, Jinsoul will take the initiative to rock any crying children to sleep or at least will till they calm down but not this time; not when this special kid is clinging onto her for dear life. As a matter of fact, it’s adorable that Yerim stops crying the moment she gets to call Jinsoul by a special nickname.

Only one such person used to do that.

> _“So… what did you do after graduating?”_
> 
> _“Well, I obviously didn’t get to do science like I hoped,” Jinsoul chuckles; she actually copes with disappointment in this manner. She isn’t at all disappointed with her choice though, it’s extremely rewarding in another sense of the word. “I’m an assistant in the kindergarten here, but I hold another job in the office.”_
> 
> _Jungeun acknowledges her with a smile, patting the latter on her shoulder supportively. She had never once doubted Jinsoul’s abilities or determination to achieve her goals. If she didn’t turn out to be doing science or pursuing her master’s, then there is a definitive reason for it. The older girl had stayed up several nights just to study and perfect experiments in the comfort of their dorm. Yet, the latter still found time to tutor her whenever she needed help. After all, Jinsoul was her senior back when they were in university together, and on top of that, they were roommates._
> 
> _There’s a story that Jungeun never told Jinsoul though – she had pulled some strings because the head of student council was her friend and persuaded (threatened) her to put them in the same room. It’s still a mystery how Jinsoul never found out about it._
> 
> _“No wonder I didn’t see you earlier…”_
> 
> _“You’re here to enroll someone?” Jinsoul asks, eyebrows perched high up with an overflowing sense of curiosity._
> 
> _Jungeun fails to restrain her smile when she thinks of her precious, kind-hearted daughter, “no, my daughter’s only on her fourth day of school and I just want to make sure she’s doing okay.”_
> 
> _The expression on Jinsoul’s face becomes unreadable at that, color seemingly drained from her originally bashful state. She doesn’t know what she was expecting from Jungeun, but it certainly isn’t for her to be a mother already. For God’s sake, Jungeun never liked kids either; she referred to them as nasty devils who couldn’t be controlled by a single person in this world._
> 
> _“I… I thought you didn’t want kids.”_
> 
> _“Well, we can’t always stick to our old comments. Look at you, now a teaching assistant when you claimed you couldn’t take care of kids.” Jungeun has a distant gaze for a split second, though her smile reappears right after. “I have to be honest though… you look really, really beautiful.”_
> 
> _You see; if they had met just a bit earlier and resolved the little miscommunication, Jinsoul would be over the moon and on her knees for Jungeun. She feels her heart beating like it once did for Jungeun, and it’s extremely terrible timing if she were to be truthful. As much as her heart calls out for her to make a move, Jinsoul just isn’t the type of person to break up another family. With the knowledge of Jungeun having a daughter and everything now, her initial hopes of rekindling her one-sided crush just got dashed into the ground. No wonder her gut was telling her not to go back to the kindergarten today…_
> 
> _“Y-You do too…” Jinsoul forces the best smile she can muster, “I… I gotta go for now. See you around.”_

“Jindori?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Do I get a present too?” Yerim asks shyly, her fingers playing with the loose strands cascading down Jinsoul’s shoulder. “Chaewon-unnie and the meanie has one… and me?”

Frankly speaking, Jinsoul didn’t hear about the new student entering class a few days ago, so she was flabbergasted when she realized her miscounting of children. She just thanks God she has a habit of overbuying and showering the kids with extra gifts every year, so there were a few leftover presents from the bag. It might not be a suitable one but hopefully, Yerim can overlook that. Something does tell her, however, that Yerim won’t mind at all.

“I do but this is the first time we’re meeting, so the gift might not be something you like very much…” Jinsoul whispers, reaching out to drag the huge paper bag in the corner.

Yerim carefully crawls out of Jinsoul’s lap, sitting cross-legged opposite the teacher as she waits for her own gift. She can barely hide the excitement in her eyes, seeing Jinsoul pull out a gift wrapped with purple bear prints.

“Bring it here!” Yerim screams in excitement.

The item in the box is not like the others – stuffed toys were bought for kids like Chaewon; a nerf gun with several perks for Hyejoo and Hyunjin, and an art palette for Heejin – just to name a few. The last one could possibly be a prank kit, which was meant for Yeojin or a diary with decorative materials. Even if it’s not to Yerim’s liking, Jinsoul won’t hesitate to go and buy another gift for her.

The charm Yerim has is undetachable.

Jinsoul reaches out and tenderly pats the girl’s head, watching her every movement. “I can buy something else if you want, Yerim. It’s okay if you don’t like it, just tell me.”

When Yerim quite literally shrieks and squeals after seeing the beautiful diary sitting nicely in the middle of the box, Jinsoul unconsciously lets out a sigh of relief. There’s nothing more likeable than seeing a child hold something she genuinely adores.

Unbeknownst to both Jinsoul and Yerim, there are two other people standing at the door of the classroom. They’ve been observing the entire process since Jiwoo noticed Jinsoul talking to Yerim inside. It’s not easy to interact with children, especially if they don’t find you familiar at all. These strangers might come off as extremely scary or a form of danger. Who knew it would have worked so fantastically? It’s almost as if Yerim knows Jinsoul personally, and she’s part of the same family or something. And for someone who believes Jinsoul hasn’t changed much compared to their university days, it’s a really… _nice_ sight.

“Unnie… Yerim’s mother is here to pick her up.”

“Shall we go?” Jinsoul asks softly, her eye-smile mirroring the one on Yerim’s face. She extends her hand out to the little girl, yelping when the latter throws herself against Jinsoul’s legs.

Yerim hugs the diary close to her chest, the other arm casually thrown around Jinsoul’s neck. She can’t really understand why she feels particularly comfortable around this teacher.

“Mommy!”

The two teachers watch in amusement as Yerim struggles to be let down from Jinsoul’s arms, making a quick dash towards her mother at the door. That sense of excitement only dies down when Jinsoul realizes who is standing in front of her.

“Jungeun? T-This is your daughter?”

“Hello again, Jinsoul.”

An uninhibited grin reappears on Jungeun’s face, noticing the curious gaze in her daughter’s eyes as she looks between her teacher and her mother. She wanted to tell Jinsoul that her child might be one of her students but Jinsoul had been in such a hurry to stop their awkward conversation. She might be reading too much into things but there was a tension present between them. Before the conversation had dived into Jungeun having a daughter, she could tell Jinsoul was genuinely excited to reconnect with her again. The latter might think her split-second changing expression slipped past her, but Jungeun is ten times sharper than she was in the past.

With her mouth agape and jaw unhinged, Jinsoul doesn’t notice the little girl tiptoeing to her mother. She is more focused on the fact that Jungeun’s daughter was none other than the tiny angel she was pacifying. What kind of game is fate playing with her?

“Mommy…” Yerim whines, tugging at Jungeun’s skirt. She beckons the woman to bend down, before she shields her mouth, “I want Jindori to be our friend…”

Although Yerim was technically talking right into her mother’s ear, she must have forgotten that talking at a loud volume doesn’t exactly count as whispering. All the praise and adoration for Jinsoul travels around the room, making the latter blush a delectable red when she makes eye contact with Jungeun. It’s a refreshing feeling, especially with how excited Yerim seems to be and the welcoming expression on Jungeun’s face.

“Sweetie… Jindori can hear everything, you know.”

“MOMMY!!!!”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Yerim-ah, are you ready? We’re going for Family Day today, right?”

The little girl makes a loud noise from the bathroom, running out with her shirt half-zipped and toothbrush in her mouth. _Someone’s obviously excited,_ Jungeun giggles.

“Baby, you can’t go out like this.” Jungeun reprimands softly, ruffling her daughter’s messy hair. She receives a huge pinch on her cheek for teasing her, earning a pout. “Hey, what did I say about doing that to my face?”

Yerim just puts two hands behind her back, one toe tracing circles on the ground in front of her with her head hung. She tries to hold back one of the glorious smiles that are forming, though it fails miserably the moment Jungeun begins tickling her tiny bulging tummy. If other people tried to poke her tummy or do whatever her mother does, God knows what Jungeun would do to them.

“Mommy, stop! I want to look nice for Jindori!”

Jungeun sits back on her knees and stares at her daughter with a bemused look – her baby girl wants to impress… Jinsoul? Her very own teacher and friend she had made earlier this week?

“What if Mommy wants to be her friend too?”

“Well, she’ll like me more!”

_Unbelieveable._

_Even my daughter is in love with Jinsoul._

The car ride had been barbaric to say the least, with her daughter constantly screeching to songs by various artistes. Jungeun has too much of a soft spot for Yerim to tell her to keep it down, plus it’s always nice to have some noise. Ever since they’ve relocated to the city of Seoul, Jungeun feels a form of emptiness that comes in the shape of her own parents. Despite their constant nagging and spiteful remarks at times, they’re still the only people who would love her unconditionally. Slightly taken aback at the sight of her coming home with Yerim in her arms, her mother had fallen in love with her grandchild instantly.

If she could help it, she wouldn’t have moved to Seoul either. Yet, coming here would be good if she wanted to make a name for herself. At the very least, Jungeun has some money from her previous job and with a small loan from her older sister as well.

“Mommy, I see Jindori from here!” Yerim points at the familiar woman, her full bangs flopping against her forehead as she leaps from playmat to playmat. “Unnie looks so funny… look at her hair!”

“I think she looks beautiful.”

With the mother and daughter pair finally out of the car and on their way to the wide, green field, some excitement starts to bubble in their bodies – both because of the same person.

The event had been ongoing for some time now, along with the different families accompanying their children. While most teachers are busy trying to take care of the kids and their baggage, one of them seem to stand out already. Jinsoul, who came on a voluntary basis, again, was walking around with a blindfold over her eyes in the playground. She seems to enjoy the fact that she looks like an idiot, but then again, Jungeun simply adores her for entertaining children all the time. It’s not in Jinsoul’s job scope (she had called and demanded information from Jiwoo), but she does it all the same.

“Hey! You made it!”

“Jiwoo-unnie!” Yerim waves cheerfully, one hand still holding onto her mother’s leg. She recognizes the lady from some pictures back in their apartment. “Is… Is Chaewon-unnie here?”

“Of course! Let me bring you there!”

Jungeun makes a gesture at her friend, warning the woman to keep an eye on her daughter or she’d be dead meat. She looks around for a bit, hoping to see Jinsoul around again. Her behavior isn’t out of the ordinary, until she catches sight of people whispering about her.

Having brought Yerim up alone, with the exception of her parents and friends, she is very aware of rumours that might fly around. It’s unfortunate that for a country as advanced in so many different ways, society hasn’t made a single step in the right direction. Whether it is a divorced woman or a single mother, they assume the worst of her immediately. Without even knowing the difficulties or problems that could have possibly occurred, it’s just so predictable of the society to discriminate against her. And while it isn’t in Jungeun’s nature to be nosy or insert herself in groups where they clearly don’t welcome her, it’s different when they involve her daughter.

_“Did she not hear that it’s Family Day? Why didn’t she bring her husband along?”_

_“I heard she cheated on her husband…”_

_“Really? I heard she didn’t even get married!”_

Usually, it is not difficult to ignore these comments and pretend she doesn’t care but these women – exactly, they’re _women_ too – why would they say things like this?

Now, Jungeun is no damsel in distress but she should have known; someone else would have noticed her dilemma.

“Now, now… ladies, what did I say about today being peaceful and welcoming for all parents?”

Of course, it’s _her_.

The way these women are blushing and stuttering over their words in front of Jinsoul is almost laughable, turning into a bunch of fangirls like they would an idol. Jungeun is not judging them, in fact, she can _understand_ why they would suddenly pretend everything is fine and dandy. Despite the smile and neutral expression that Jinsoul has on, the gaze in her eyes gives off a different aura. The number of years they’ve known each other – if it’s ignoring the gap in between – Jungeun too has difficulty reading her emotions right now.

Once the elephant(s) in the room are gone, Jinsoul’s shoulders slouch over reflexively. She can’t understand why people prefer to be intimidating instead of friendly; it’s so difficult to maintain appearances!

“Sorry about that… you know how it is with moody, desperate housewives, they have nothing better to do. I promise, not all parents are like this and they’re not that annoying either. Sorry, I didn’t mean to butt in either, I’m sure you go—”

“Thank you, Jinsoul.”

The amount of emotion and power in that one sentence had effectively knocked the nerves right out of Jinsoul. She stops rambling and stuttering over her words the moment she meets Jungeun’s gaze. The blood rush in her cheeks is uncontrollable, more so after the brunette flashes a shy smile at her.

“S-So! Which activities will you be taking part in?”

See, therein lies the problem.

How is Jungeun going to tell Jinsoul none of the activities are meant for mother and daughter only? She has scanned the entire area and it seems to be a minimum of three parties per game. It doesn’t help that with Jinsoul’s kind personality, she would come up with one on the spot just to make Jungeun feel better.

“I don’t think I’ll be doing much… I did bring a picnic basket like we were asked to but nothing else seems to fit us,” Jungeun says softly, trying not to allow any window of sympathy there. She has done fine with her daughter for years, and it will remain.

If Jinsoul saw through that fraction of honesty and vulnerability, she didn’t show or mention it. In fact, her smile only grows a tad bit wider, extending a hand to Jungeun. Back then and now, the sense of security and comfort whenever Jinsoul does this still bubbles up in her after so many years.

“Come on. I promise, you’ll like some of the games.”

Jungeun seriously doubted it, but hell, who cares?

“Mommy!”

Seeing the big grin on Yerim’s face, Jungeun couldn’t find it in herself to say no. She doesn’t want to take that smile away, knowing how difficult Yerim finds to mingle around with new people and friends. Now that she seems to be having a blast alongside those few kids, Jungeun would go to the ends of the earth to keep it like that.

“Come on,” Jinsoul shakes their intertwined hands lightly, a smile equivalent to the warm heat of summer on her face. “We’ll win all the games hands-down. You can carry the team if I mess up.”

Jungeun wishes she could shove this happiness in her ex-boyfriend’s face, especially when he claimed no one would want to even interact with her because she’d be a single mother. At the time, Jungeun already knew nothing was going to work out decently, because he was an abusive piece of trash with no empathy whatsoever. If her parents ever found out about him and how he used to treat her, she will never hear the end of it. Since she was a child, her parents and sister always made sure she knew her worth. A woman should never have to cower under a man’s wrath for any reason at all – Jungeun had sworn it wouldn’t happen to her. She just couldn’t be honest with her family about this.

Here she is, with the very first person who made her feel all tingly and weird inside… in short, a mixture of uncomfortable and shamefulness whenever she thought about _her._

_Jung Jinsoul._

The cascading black hair that ran down her back, a toothy smile and the goofy aura she exuded just reminded her so much of the past. How nice it must be, to remain the same as before.

“Jungeun?” Jinsoul gently pokes the younger woman’s cheek, oblivious to the surprised looks from others. “Are you okay? We don’t have to participate if you don’t want to, alright?”

Though Yerim nods to tell her the same sentiment, Jungeun can see the excitement overflowing in her daughter’s glowing eyes. It’s not something she sees very often, not after relocating here and moving away from her parents at least. Just observing the way Yerim has her tiny hand holding onto the back of Jinsoul’s shorts has her feeling some way; they even have the same affection for the _same_ person.

“No, let’s go and win something for my baby, yes?”

“YES! THANK YOU, MOMMY!”

With one hand holding onto Jungeun’s sweaty one, Jinsoul takes Yerim’s into her free one. She can’t explain the protectiveness she’s feeling over this mother-daughter duo, more so after she swore, she wouldn’t break a family up.

_I won’t let anyone say anything to you._

_Not if I can help it._

***

“You’re going to drive them home?”

“I suppose so,” Jinsoul audibly sighs, putting away some of the remaining items on the grass. She had spent the entire afternoon by Jungeun and Yerim’s side, making sure no other parent could give them skeptical looks or snide remarks. “I didn’t really think much about that part of it. I just wanted them to have fun.”

Sooyoung smacks her hands down on Jinsoul’s shoulders, rubbing the tense muscles there. She can see the dilemma written all over Jinsoul’s face, as if she was making a decision that could cost her life.

“I can see it in your eyes, Soul, I know you want to take care of her and Yerim…”

“Yeah but she’s married… and I’m not going to break up a family because I can’t get over a crush on my side. I liked her for so many years and then we lost contact. All of a sudden, we’re here because her daughter is one of the students? This feels surreal, Sooyoung.”

Watching Jungeun holding her daughter while talking to Jiwoo, it just occurred to her that this is the first time Jinsoul has actually seen Jungeun since university, unlike them. While she had seemingly gone off the grid many years ago, Jungeun’s fate with her best friend never ends that easily. The two bumped into each other just outside the airport – Jiwoo had been waiting since early dawn for Sooyoung’s flight to land. In the midst of that chaos, she and her God-given eagle vision caught sight of Jungeun carrying a toddler in her arms. As unbelieveable as it sounds, that led to a much needed catching up session and an even tighter friendship.

It’s no wonder there’s so much hesitation and frustration in Jinsoul, just by watching over the mother and daughter like this. She isn’t up to speed like they are just yet.

“Sweetie, she isn’t married.”

“Wait, really? I thought she just didn’t want to bring her husband along today.”

Judging by the look on Sooyoung’s face, she would have probably told her everything if they weren’t interrupted by Jiwoo’s burst of energy barely creeping up behind them. Jinsoul has never wanted to strangle someone as much as she did Jiwoo today.

“Bring my best friend home safely, Unnie.”

“Of course, Jiwoo. Take care of my _darling_ too. _”_

Exchanging a fair number of feigned punches and kicks, Jinsoul finally breaks away from the couple. With the newfound knowledge of Jungeun’s relationship status, or lack thereof, Jinsoul can actually feel the difference in her original mindset. She doesn’t have an excuse to avoid Jungeun after tonight or the nights to come – the latter is very much _single,_ available is something to be established though. It might sound odd, but her being a single mother and having an adorable daughter makes no difference to Jinsoul at all. She always wondered if anything could change her opinion about the latter should they meet, but this moment right here, is answering all her previous questions.

The back view of Jungeun holding Yerim in her arms like this, being stiff and uncomfortable so the little girl can sleep peacefully – it just looks so… so small.

Jinsoul takes a deep breath before stepping in front of the younger woman, “hey… ready for me to take you home?”

“Y-Yeah… thanks.”

While the ride home was fairly boring and mundane since Jungeun had also fallen asleep, it also gave Jinsoul the opportunity to think about what she could do for them. If she’s correct to assume with accordance to Sooyoung’s words just an hour ago, then Jungeun and Yerim only have each other to depend on here in Seoul. _It can’t be easy on her… Jungeun doesn’t do well alone,_ Jinsoul sighs as she scans the sleeping woman. Imagining the huge responsibility that lands upon her shoulders; not only did Jungeun have to give up her youth, she also chose to take care of Yerim single-handedly.

“Jungeun-ah… We’ve reached your place.” Jinsoul shakes the latter, the other hand reaching for Yerim in the backseat. She struggles to hold back a giggle when Yerim simply leans on the back of her hand. “Yerim, sweetie, you’ll feel more comfortable in your own bed.”

Leaning over to unbuckle Jungeun’s seatbelt, Jinsoul obviously made a terrible calculation of their positions. Jinsoul pulls back the moment she hears the unclicking, only to find Jungeun staring at her with eyes as wide as her bowls at home.

“S-SORRY!”

Yerim clasps her hands over her mouth, keeping the volume of her giggling down. She hasn’t spent a lot of time with this teacher but it’s obvious that she admires her mother. Even in the darkness, Yerim can see her mother getting flustered too – a sight that isn’t common.

“Mommy, you’re so red.”

“KIM YERIM!”

As Jinsoul sits back and unbuckles her own belt, she is faced with the mother-daughter duo having a little argument of their own. Jungeun had reclined the seat, now tickling her daughter into oblivion. The woman clearly isn’t used to being teased by Yerim, and in front of someone else at that. This just reminds Jinsoul of all the moments they had in their dorm; Jungeun would get all flustered because she was either shy or embarrassed of what Jinsoul did. The longer Jinsoul spends with them, she feels an even stronger sense of protectiveness. Every single smile and laugh that is expressed, Jinsoul feels a bigger urge to make sure that happiness becomes a constant.

It takes a while before all three of them are out of the car, the two women walking side by side in silence as Yerim clings onto Jinsoul’s back. “You don’t have to carry her, you know. She can walk on her own,” Jungeun mumbles.

“That’s okay. Yerim isn’t heavy at all anyway,” Jinsoul smiles kindly, stealing a peek at the snoozing girl on her back. To think she was just teasing her mother minutes ago, and now she’s snoring.

“I know we haven’t seen each other in ages but I would like to… have a redo, maybe? We can take the time to catch up and um, I can even help Yerim get fully adjusted to class. If you want, I can give you two a small introduction to other things in the kindergarten too… only if you want though!”

Jungeun ushers her sleepy daughter inside the apartment first, leaning against the doorframe. She truthfully doesn’t know if this is a good idea, because it’s also rekindling some feelings of the past. Like her mother used to say, things are a lot easier without marriage or children. Let’s not even mention the fact that this woman is the same reason why Jungeun forced herself to go on blind dates with other men. Unlike most parents and traditional families, her mother was extremely supportive of her choices partner-wise. Every single diary entry involved Jinsoul in one way or another; bad or good; frustrated or overjoyed. The point is: Jungeun’s scared to feel that way again.

“I… I…”

“No pressure,” Jinsoul holds out her hands up, handing Jungeun her number written on a small post-its. “If you decide that we’re okay to do some catching up, just send me a text and I’ll be right here.”

Watching Jinsoul spin on her heels with awkward finger guns has to be one of the most endearing things Jungeun has ever seen. Back then, it looked _hot_ because Jinsoul had carried blonde hair for a couple of years. Doing it now only makes Jinsoul look more of a dork, especially with her donning black hair along with full bangs.

“Goodnight, Jungeun.”

“Night, Jinsoul. Drive safe, okay?”

Her legs were shaking by the time she got to the car, taken aback by her own bravery earlier on. Jinsoul would never take the initiative or do anything related to love first, but Jungeun always did have a different effect on her.

And for good reason.

**_thank you for the ride_ **

**_I’ll see you tomorrow_ **

**_night, jinsoul_** ** _🌙_** **_😚_**

****

A kissy emoji?

A KISSY EMOJI?

From upstairs Jungeun watches, her arms supporting her frame on the railing of the balcony. She cups her heated cheeks in slight embarrassment, the brightest smile forming on her face when she spots Jinsoul dancing in the driver’s seat.

_Maybe things could finally fall into their rightful place…_

_The way it should have all those years ago._

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

_“And you agreed to it?”_

Jungeun sandwiches her phone between her shoulder and cheek, pouring some milk into the bowl of cereal. “Why do you sound so surprised? We’re just going to catch up and she’s going to explain some stuff about the kindergarten classes…”

_“… I literally work there full-time. Why don’t you ask me?”_

“Jiwoo, you’re not exactly Jinsoul.”

The offended screech hurts her ears for a bit, Jungeun rolling her eyes at the exaggeration – if anyone remained a hundred percent similar to their past, it’s definitely Jiwoo.

Pushing the bowl towards her daughter, Jungeun gestures the young one to start her breakfast. She usually lets Yerim sleep in while she does some errands and chores on a Saturday morning but not today; everything has to be spick and span before Jinsoul comes over. They were supposed to end the conversation at goodnight but Jinsoul had reached home and sent her some pictures of the class notes, resulting in more explanations. Jungeun had fallen asleep relatively fast, but Jinsoul sent her last text at almost three in the morning.

“Mommy, is Jindori coming?”

“Yes, she is…” Jungeun carefully brushes a speck of milk from the side of Yerim’s mouth before sitting down opposite her. She is pretty curious about her daughter’s little obsession too; this hasn’t happened with any of her other teachers. “Are you excited to see her?”

Yerim nods, eyes disappearing into crescent moons when she thinks of her favourite teacher coming over to their apartment. They haven’t had guests over after relocating, and she’s just glad to have someone who can make both of them laugh. She misses the way her mother would have fun with the family, her grandparents allowing her to do just about anything she wanted. Furthermore, Yerim enjoys the fact that Jinsoul makes Jungeun laugh. There are different kinds of laughter that she has; one to prevent awkward atmospheres; one as a sign of politeness; only one is genuine and around familiar people.

Just watching Jungeun’s lips curl at the corners is enough to make Yerim giggle too; it’s not difficult to imagine her teacher and her mother joking around each other again.

****

**_i’m outside_ **

**_can you open the door_ ** **_🥺_ **

****

**_you can just knock_ **

****

**_please?_ ** **_🥺_ **

Why does she have to use that darn emoji?

“Yerim-ah, your _Jindori_ is outside the apartment. Can you be a darling and open the door for her?”

The manner in which Yerim had screamed and jumped off her chair, running to the front door like her life depended on it – Jungeun doesn’t think she reacts to her own mother like that. Speaking of which, she wanted to tell Yerim that her shorts weren’t exactly buttoned properly but the little girl didn’t even give her a chance to say anything.

_“JINDORI!”_

“Hi, Yerim!”

Jungeun’s heartrate begins to accelerate when Jinsoul’s bubbly voice bounces off the apartment walls. She can see Yerim jumping up and down in front of the woman, and the big fat grin on Jinsoul’s face.

“Hey, Jungeun.”

“Hey, you…” Jungeun’s words die off in her throat, eyes scanning Jinsoul (shamelessly) from head to toe. She did mention they’d be staying in the apartment and not going out so Jinsoul dressing up the way she did…

Jinsoul had gone through hours of dilemma, wondering what to wear just so Jungeun would be impressed. She called Sooyoung at eight in the morning, badgering the latter to give her some ideas. If it wasn’t for those kissy and unwanted sounds from the receiver, Jinsoul probably wouldn’t have hung up within ten minutes. Whenever she needs advice or someone to rant to, Sooyoung is her definite go-to. The latter is brutally honest and does not sugarcoat anything, so it’s fantastic. The last thing Jinsoul needs is false hope and lies on top of all of this.

“Did I over-do it?” Jinsoul asks, rubbing the back of her neck sheepishly. She’s not a stranger to those gazes, not when she’s seen it from Jungeun before. “I just wanted to make sure I look presentable. Also, do you have a laptop charger that I can borrow?”

Jungeun tries to pretend she’s surprised by Jinsoul’s carelessness; the older had a knack for forgetting important items after all. She gently pushes the woman into the living room and onto the sofa. “Just give me the laptop, and I’ll go charge it in the room.” Jungeun playfully glares at her, grabbing the laptop bag. No matter how confident she looks, the moment their hands brush against each other, Jungeun is rushing into her bedroom right away.

“Jindori! Do you want to play with Cherry?” Yerim runs up to the teacher, hands behind her back innocently.

_They have a dog?_

_Cool._

Jungeun points at her reflection in the mirror, practicing different variations of her smile so it doesn’t show too much of her teeth. Jinsoul used to tease her for her toothy smiles, though she claims she loves it as much as _she loves Jungeun for her_. “Kim Jungeun, you keep it together like a winner. If she does or says anything remotely romantic, you make sure you do not panic like the useless gay Jiwoo claims you are.”

With a satisfied smirk, Jungeun pumps her chest proudly, just before a loud scream interrupts her pep talk.

_“JINDORI! WAKE UPPPPP!!!”_

And Jungeun had no idea why her expectations were so high or why she even thought things would be on the right track. The moment she walked into the living room, she finds Yerim weeping over Jinsoul’s unconscious self like a widow.

“Baby! What did you do?”

Yerim shakes her head adorably, tears and snot all over her tiny round face. “I just wanted to show Jindori my pet, Cherry! Jindori even smiled so I thought they would be friends!”

No wonder Jinsoul fainted.

Out of all the pets Yerim could have, she chose to have a pet _cockroach_.

***

_Oh, that feels weird…_

_What the hell is that?_

Jinsoul’s eyes flick open, rising from her position once she felt the ticklish sensation go into her nose. Feeling disoriented from her passing out to her lying on the carpet, Jinsoul has to massage the back of her neck to ease the bruised area. She would have scrambled off the floor if she hadn’t noticed Yerim lying beside her, mouth wide open with a speck of drool near her lips. Chuckling at the rather unexpected sight, Jinsoul outstretches her hand to adjust Yerim’s position.

“You’re awake.”

“Hey… sorry about that,” Jinsoul inwardly sighs – the number of times she has embarrassed herself in front of Jungeun is uncountable. She just didn’t expect the pet to be an insect. “I must have scared Yerim a lot…”

Jungeun hands her the extra cup, sitting opposite Jinsoul on the carpet. She has several urges to tease Jinsoul about being a scaredy-cat but the latter looks so embarrassed and upset already. Plus, it’s not like Jungeun didn’t have a near heart attack experience when her daughter told her what she wanted for a pet.

“Other than Yerim crying like you died, you didn’t miss anything much.”

Jinsoul can’t resist cooing at that endearing recount; she knows the younger one is relatively fond of her, which makes her feel a lot better after knowing that Yerim is quite shy. It’s funnier because Yerim is also the same one who caused her to pass out.

“To make it up to her… why don’t we have pizza for dinner? I can order your favourites from the same place?”

“You still remember?” Jungeun whispers, trying hard to mask the shakiness of her voice.

The pair of roommates used to have pizza on every Friday night, along with some Netflix movies of their choice – taking turns to do the ordering and setting up of their pillow fort. When one had an exam or a paper to focus on, the other would take on the duties of both so they could still have a relaxing night. It’s didn’t exactly start off as a routine or a practice, but Jinsoul chose to make it a regularity. She wanted to make sure Jungeun could have one night to relax herself instead of working herself to the bone. Certain flavours only worked when Jungeun had different moods, and Jinsoul made it a point to remember.

Jinsoul scoops the snoozing girl into her arms, carrying her towards the sofa where a huge stuffed toy lay. _This is awfully domestic,_ Jinsoul gulps at the though.

“Pepperoni pizza then?”

The bashful expression on Jungeun’s face only makes Jinsoul want to squeeze those chubby cheeks and maybe cuddle her to death. “Anything you want, Jungeun. I’ll order every single thing from there for you…”

In the midst of all that _romance_ and unexpected _flirting_ , neither of them spotted or realized the growing smile on the little girl’s face… even in her dreams, two of her favourite people are happy.

Hopefully, it’ll remain so.

“Wait, seriously? Why would I ever date Haseul?”

Jinsoul throws her hands up in the air, mildly agitated at herself for coming to such a conclusion. She had wasted so many years getting upset at nothing and had beaten herself up for no reason. Hopefully, Jungeun doesn’t get mad and throws her out of the apartment.

“You mean to tell me…” Jungeun begins to stand up, one slice of pizza in her hand which makes it a bit intimidating – it’s still a _weapon._ The volume of her voice had terrified Jinsoul more than the pizza, unexpectedly. “You stopped coming back early on Fridays and even stopped waiting up for me because you thought I was dating Haseul?”

The shrilling volume of Jungeun’s screech hasn’t changed at all, and Jinsoul is getting a painful reminder of it now. Her eyes shifted uncomfortably, knowing Jungeun has every right to get mad at her for being a complete idiot. When they had first become roommates, it was Jinsoul who insisted they lower their speech and have good communication. It’s not easy to get used to someone else’s habits out of the blue. One thing they thankfully had in common was the cleanliness of the room; that takes priority over everything else. It took a while to get their cleaning styles and methods synchronized, but it worked out wonderfully for the most part.

“Jung Jinsoul, you’re unbelievable.”

“I’m sorry, Jungeun…” Jinsoul sighs, pulling her knees up to her chest, though she can’t resist the charm of the pizza in her hand. “I know I messed up, for real.”

Yerim stares up at the two adults curiously, cheese and tomato sauce decorating her face. She had woken up right after the pizzas arrived, almost as if she had a sixth sense of it. The conversation between her mother and teacher are quite frankly the least of her concerns, not when the other pizza has pineapple on it.

When the sounds of sniffling and whimpering starts getting louder, Jinsoul finally catches onto it. It wasn’t coming from the TV like she had assumed, Jungeun was trying to stop herself from _crying._

“Jungeun-ah…”

“Hey…”

The moment Jungeun turns around, Jinsoul reflexively drops the pizza in hand. She has only seen the younger woman this upset once, and that was after arguing with her father. Jungeun had just come out to her family at the time, and she just wanted some form of understanding. A blessing wasn’t necessary, but her father’s reaction just made her want to leave. How could she just throw everything aside? Her mother, who brought both her and her elder sister up so painstakingly. That whole ordeal already told Jungeun that her feelings was wrong; it would never be recognized in the eyes of her father. If he hadn’t said all those hurtful words all those years ago, she wouldn’t have forced herself to date someone she didn’t fancy.

If her feelings for Jinsoul all those years ago weren’t treated invalid, perhaps there would be more opportunities for Jungeun to explore her sexuality in her own time.

Jinsoul makes do with wiping her hands on her pants, too focused on Jungeun’s tear-stained face to do anything else. “Jungie… please, stop crying. You’re going to scare Yerim…”

_All these years, something else could have happened._

_They wasted so much time thinking about the other and the consequences without considering the other possibility._

Jungeun throws herself into Jinsoul’s body, her tear ducts unleashing wave after wave. One punch after another, Jinsoul takes all the hits she’s given. She didn’t stay with Jungeun after graduation like she had promised; instead, she fled like a coward would and avoided contact.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…”

Although Jungeun managed to come out fine and extremely well, it doesn’t change the fact that Jinsoul abandoned her. Their friendship wasn’t easily formed, and it _hurts –_ it _hurts_ to know that Jinsoul didn’t want to stick by her because she was supposedly dating Haseul. Sexuality wasn’t one of the topics they had discussed, a sensitive topic as such might cause more conflict instead of comfort. Of course, there were countless rumours about Jinsoul’s relationship status; off and on campus, Jinsoul was popular for a variety of reasons. She was beautiful; doing a double major in both science and mathematics; a pure heart under that cold exterior. Are there more reasons to fall for Jinsoul?

Too many.

That’s why Jungeun fell too.

Jungeun fails to notice the worried gaze on her daughter, who’s current waddling over to the two women. She can barely stop herself from basking Jinsoul’s warm hug, just like she did in the past.

“Jindori… did you make Mommy cry?”

Jinsoul hurriedly bends down to face the young one, giggling as she wipes the tears away from her face. “I think I did, I’m sorry…” Jinsoul playfully makes a bow, though her heart is rapidly beating against her chest at the sudden realization. “Will you forgive me, Princess Yerim?”

Before Jungeun or Yerim could get another word in edgewise, the doorbell rings incessantly.

“Are you waiting for anyone?”

Jungeun cocks a brow, shaking her head. She had purposefully made sure her day was free just so she could spend more time with Jinsoul. “I’ll go see who it is.”

The teacher exchanges shrugs with her daughter, making Jungeun amused at how well they get along. Yerim seems to be even fonder of Jinsoul though she knows the woman made her own mother cry, not that Jungeun is complaining though. As long as they get the chance to open up their hearts about the past, they’re going to be alright. Jinsoul will get to explain her sudden disappearance and lack of contact. For Jungeun… could she possibly gather enough courage to confess everything? They’ve wasted far too many years being separated over a misunderstanding.

She’ll do just that.

Right after she handles whoever it is outside.

_“What the hell are you doing here?”_


	2. chapter ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: mentions of domestic abuse (after lipsoul’s date and they’re in the car)

**_Trigger Warning: mentions of domestic abuse (after lipsoul’s date and they’re in the car)_ **

“Baby, has Jinsoul-unnie called you?”

“No… why?” Sooyoung asks sleepily, eyes still squeezed shut with her arms wrapped around her girlfriend’s waist. She didn’t ask to get woken up this early in the morning, and it’s the weekend too. “She probably managed to spend the night over at Jungeun’s house if they both haven’t said anything yet.”

Jiwoo frowns at the possibility; Jungeun has woken her up and pestered her at ungodly hours for the smallest things, so for radio silence to welcome her in the morning – it’s not exactly a positive sign. Let’s not forget that the two former roommates haven’t seen each other since Jinsoul’s graduation many years ago. Their personalities would have changed slightly, or drastically if they were to talk about some examples. What if Jinsoul chickened out or Jungeun threw the woman out after getting to talk about their past? Her gut tells her something must have gone wrong last night, and Jiwoo’s instincts are almost on point all the time.

The silence is killing her.

“Get off, Sooyoung,” Jiwoo shrugs her needy girlfriend off, throwing the covers onto the floor.

“What are you so worried about, Jiwoo? I thought we agreed to stop interfering in our friends’ affairs. Also… Jungeun is a big girl, right? Don’t you trust them to settle things on their own?”

Points were made in that statement but Jiwoo simply wants the best for her friends too – Jungeun has had a fair share of suffering.

Sooyoung shuffles up to her shorter girlfriend, hands coming up to cup Jiwoo’s cheeks. She can understand the worries and concerns that Jiwoo might possibly have but the two need their privacy too. Until either one of them decides to call them up, then Jinsoul and Jungeun will have their own time to themselves. It’s what those two want and need too; a good explanation would result in an outcome they all would have wanted to see years ago. Too many times, she has caught Jinsoul staring at some of her old school pictures with a dazed look in her eyes. It’s no coincidence that Jungeun is always present in those; it certainly doesn’t require one to be a genius to put two and two together. 

Resting her forehead against Jiwoo’s, Sooyoung gives the pouting woman a quick peck. Placing a hand behind Jiwoo’s head, she cradles her girlfriend so carefully. “Let’s just spend some time together, have breakfast and then if you want, we can head over to Jungeun’s apartment. Does that sound good?”

A reluctant nod, but a nod nonetheless, Jiwoo agrees to that suggestion. She hasn’t spent enough time with Sooyoung the past week, especially with the events going on.

“Okay… now let’s go have breakfast.”

“I changed my mind, breakfast can wait.” Sooyoung beams, throwing Jiwoo over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

“Wait, wait, SOOYOUNGGGG!!”

***

“You are unbelieveable.”

Sooyoung sticks her tongue out, hands behind her head with a shit-eating grin plastered on her face. She didn’t really plan on pulling that when she was talking to Jiwoo, but things just happen. “You needed the extra sleep too, Jiwoo. Why are you getting mad?”

Jiwoo huffs as she enters the bathroom, running her fingers through her hair before tying it into a ponytail. She isn’t denying that though; the extra two hours of sleep did well for the both of them. Sooyoung doesn’t look as burned out as she did when Jiwoo woke her up earlier.

“Still no texts, baby!” Sooyoung yells, throwing on a pair of boy shorts. “I’m going downstairs to make us some lunch!”

Despite comforting and reassuring her girlfriend that everything would turn out fine, Sooyoung is just as worried too. She knows better than anyone that Jinsoul held a lot of guilt inside, and it was constantly eating away at her whenever she was alone. In comparison to Jiwoo and Jungeun knowing each other since middle school, Sooyoung only to got to meet Jinsoul after the girl had relocated as well. They did not start off well; her car hitting the back of Jinsoul’s when she was reversing into a lot. See, they could have solved it with a tiny fee and settlement but Sooyoung and her fat ego wouldn’t admit her faults. The two had a full-blown argument in the parking lot, with Jiwoo giving her girlfriend the cold shoulder as a result of it all.

Jiwoo once said they would become fast friends, with Sooyoung almost getting whiplash at how quick she had denied it. This happened more than three years ago, but Jiwoo and Jinsoul still gets a kick out of bringing it up.

“Jung Jinsoul, what are you up to?” Sooyoung grumbles, scrolling through her messaging apps. None of her messages were read and Jinsoul hasn’t been online since last night.

When Jiwoo comes downstairs with a cropped t-shirt and denim shorts, she finds her tall girlfriend standing at the stove with her phone in hand. She knows Sooyoung is worried about them too.

“Shall we go?”

“Yes, now. Right now.”

***

Jiwoo bends down and stretches her hand under the floor mat, grabbing the spare key safely lying there. She wonders how Jungeun hasn’t got robbed in some way yet. How could she just leave something so valuable under the mat?

“You need to talk to her about this,” Sooyoung laughs.

The couple enter the apartment and stands rooted in their positions, seeing the state of the living room. It almost looks as if Jungeun did get robbed like they were worried about. There were some broken dishes and a torn cloth near the television… tiny blood specks staining the wooden floor. The messy table would have been a dead giveaway; Jungeun was seriously, seriously intolerant of dirt and clutter.

Sooyoung’s voice broke when she bent down to wipe at the blood; she’s terrified of her own imagination. “What the fuck happened here?”

The taller woman doesn’t wait for a response, dashing towards the bedrooms to check on her friend. She could feel her heart threatening to beat out of her ribcage; what if Jungeun and Yerim were hurt? Or what if… they were taken from the apartment? They wouldn’t be able to defend themselves from big, burly men if anything. Jungeun could barely throw more than five punches without panting – they went for a free martial arts class and Jungeun didn’t finish it.

“KIM JUNGEUN!”

The bedroom door flies open, revealing a sight that Sooyoung was not expecting for the next ten years. Jiwoo bumps straight into her girlfriend’s back, yelping at the hard knock on her face.

“What gives?” Jiwoo whines, pinching the side of Sooyoung’s waist.

When she receives no answer, she squeezes herself through the small space between Sooyoung and the door frame. She gasps in surprise, a pleasant one, for a change.

Jungeun was peacefully snoozing in bed, the thick covers pulled up to her chin with a couple of spare pillows on either side of her body. She always sleeps soundly but the snoring tells them she is exhausted. She typically doesn’t have the habit of snoring or talking but it does happen from time to time, especially if her day had been eventful. That’s not the surprising part though – that honor goes to Jinsoul sleeping on the single couch at the corner of the room, with Yerim _in her arms_. Yerim, who does not mix around well and is rather introverted, cuddled up to Jinsoul as if they’ve known each other since forever. 

Sooyoung leans against the frame with crossed arms, coming up with all sorts of plausible explanations for the current picture. “Didn’t Yerim pretend I didn’t exist when we first met?”

“Not important,” Jiwoo shoves her girlfriend’s face away, tiptoeing into the bedroom with Sooyoung following behind. “I’m more interested in knowing how they ended up in this position.”

Of course, as an honorary best friend, the first thing Jiwoo does is take out her phone and snap many pictures of them. There’s a reason why Jiwoo does _not_ stay over, because Jungeun doesn’t like people entering her bedroom. Jiwoo loves cuddling up to people when she sleeps, so they aren’t a good match. Jungeun would rather bring an oversized bag of clothes alongside many small items than let Jiwoo sleep in the master bedroom with her. Yet here she is, allowing Jinsoul into the bedroom and even hold Yerim the entire night.

It’s the last camera flash that startles Jinsoul, feeling a bit of discomfort when she tries to move. Her arms don’t move an inch, feeling numb after holding Yerim the entire night.

“What are you doing?”

“What are _YOU_ doing?” Sooyoung makes kissy faces at her, seemingly forgotten about the mess in the living room. She’s placing more importance on digging up some information. “Why are you holding Yerim?”

Jinsoul mouths ‘shut up’ to her friend, stealing a glance at the young girl cuddled up to her. She knows she received a big shock after whatever happened last night. Their initial plans of Netflix and enjoying pizza together didn’t exactly come to life; the interruption turning out to be a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It took a while for Yerim to fall asleep, constantly tossing and turning in Jinsoul’s arms. The latter had such wrecking nightmares throughout the night, and it broke Jinsoul’s heart to know Yerim was so scared. She never wants mother and daughter to go through that kind of pain ever again.

Their staring competition is cut short by Yerim wriggling and the little grunts as a sign of discomfort. 

“Jindori… I need to wee wee,” Yerim whispers, snuggling her face closer to the warmth of Jinsoul’s neck.

“Okay, let’s go then,” Jinsoul kisses the top of her head, heaving as she stands from the sofa. She sticks her tongue out at her tall friend staring at them in shock. “Shall I leave you to do your business? Or do you want me to stay with you?”

Jiwoo and Sooyoung regroup at the sofa, albeit astonished at what they’re seeing; anyone would be confused after being greeted by such _softness in the bedroom_ , the mess says everything but this.

“I think we should let Jungeun rest, and we can maybe talk to Jinsoul outside. I don’t think Jinsoul would be holding onto Yerim if Jungeun didn’t need to get some sleep.”

***

Yerim comes out of the bedroom with her stuffed toy in one arm, greeting her two aunties with the biggest yawn yet. She throws herself onto the sofa, one leg atop the arm rest. This behavior is not considered normal, since she tries to maintain her cute image.

“Hi, sweetie!” Jiwoo rushes to the little girl, scooping her up into her arms.

“Auntie Jiwoo…” Yerim squeals, giggling as the latter blow raspberries on her tummy. She cups her auntie’s cheeks and squeezes, “morning, wooming!”

Not long after, Jinsoul also comes out of the room in a pair of sweatpants that hang above her ankles and a jacket that looks a bit snug on her. She still looks like a mad scientist, according to Sooyoung – no matter, the woman is _always_ making fun of her anyway.

“And there she is, the whipped one.”

“Shut up…” Jinsoul groans.

Taking advantage of her girlfriend’s little obsession with Yerim, Sooyoung drags Jinsoul into the kitchen with her.

“What the hell happened? We saw the mess in the living room.”

There is a flash of vulnerability in Jinsoul’s warm eyes, but vanishes in a couple of seconds. She still shakes a bit, remembering the events that had ruined their lovely night together. Her hand instinctively moves to her shoulder, effectively covered by the jacket. The aggressiveness and violence Jinsoul saw – it should never ever happen again. It was the way Jungeun didn’t even resist, other than to shield herself reflexively. Jinsoul could understand why Jungeun wanted to keep to herself after that, but she couldn’t leave Yerim alone. It took a lot of persuasion and a small percentage of bullshit for Jungeun to allow Jinsoul into her bedroom and to stay the night.

“Her ex-boyfriend came.”

> _“What are you doing here?”_
> 
> _“Why can’t I be?”_
> 
> _Jungeun places one hand in front of and steps back, struggling to maintain her composure. She doesn’t want to admit his presence still bothers her, even more so, makes her feel weak again. Her confidence has just been rebuilt and reconstructed; this shouldn’t happen now._
> 
> _“We already broke up, and we have nothing to do with each other. I don’t see the point of us even talking anymore.”_
> 
> _The distance between them grows smaller and smaller, Jungeun starting to feel a bit of fear creep up her spine. She can feel her legs start to give way as well, almost as if the ground is falling apart beneath her feet; her habit of biting her lip hard to cope with her emotions is starting to kick in. The tension in the air is so thick, it feels too threatening for Jungeun to take it lightly. The alcoholic stench in his breath is off-putting; why would he come here intoxicated and so… unlikeable? None of that catches Jungeun off-guard, since it’s always been a routine for him to come back home drunk and extremely violent in the past._
> 
> _For years, Jungeun pushed herself hard to make sure she forgets whatever possible; she had to focus on bringing Yerim up and figuring out the next step of her life. It wasn’t easy, but a brilliant success nonetheless._
> 
> _“Move.”_
> 
> _“No, why the hell should I let you in?” Jungeun yells, not caring if her daughter and Jinsoul could hear. Her hands were firmly planted on his chest, trying to hold him back. “Get out of my house!”_
> 
> _“Fuck off!”_
> 
> _Jungeun has to stop herself from falling over, though she is starting to feel a little dizzy after hitting her head against the door. She rushes into the living room, finding Jinsoul standing in front of Yerim defensively. “You need to leave, now. I have a guest over and we have plans.” Jungeun doesn’t take her eyes off her precious girls, on the edge when she sees how hard Yerim is hugging onto Jinsoul’s leg; her daughter was terrified._
> 
> _“Shut it, Jungeun!”_

“Everything just moved so fast and ouch---” Jinsoul winces, feeling Sooyoung press her knuckles against her shoulder. She didn’t get that far into the story before Sooyoung smacked her hand off and pulled the collar of the jacket down. “He tried to approach Yerim and I just… pushed him. I guess he got angry and decided to wreck the cutlery. He pushed me back and I fell on my back so…”

Sooyoung didn’t really know much about Jungeun’s past with her ex-boyfriend, except that he was a piece of shit and extremely incapable of controlling his emotions. She didn’t want to probe too far, considering Jiwoo didn’t seem keen on talking about Jungeun’s past. Her girlfriend is usually an open book and is fairly easygoing about everything – if there’s radio silence, then it’s a warning to step back. Hearing it firsthand from Jinsoul really puts things into perspective now; everything falling into its place. It explains the reason why Jiwoo is willing to drive over to Jungeun’s apartment in the dead of the night without any questions asked.

“Hey, Sooyoung.”

“Jungeun…”

Jinsoul whips her head around, eyebrows unconsciously furrowed up in worry. She covers up her shoulder with the jacket swiftly, “Hey, morning…”

When Jungeun doesn’t give her a response and continues to avoid eye contact, Jinsoul feels her heart start to show signs of shattering. She doesn’t like this; she doesn’t like knowing there’s a possibility Jungeun changed her mind about them last night. Things had kicked off on a good note, and ended up with a disastrous night.

Sooyoung gently pats Jinsoul’s shoulder, making sure to ruffle her friend’s hair for good measure. She knows perfectly well how painful it is to be brushed off just like that; Jiwoo is, unfortunately, quite similar. Jungeun retrieves the small carton of milk from the refrigerator, paying no need to the pair of puppy eyes directed at her back. It’s the first time Jinsoul has ever felt this way; it’s both a shock and a pain to know that she is practically invincible this morning. In some part of her mind, Jinsoul knows very well that Jungeun is using this as a defense mechanism; she’s rebuilding all her walls to protect her heart against everyone.

Just what can Jinsoul do to prove otherwise?

“You know she doesn’t mean it…”

“It still hurts though, but I want to help her,” Jinsoul murmurs, eyes gazing at the shadow of where Jungeun was standing. “Last night was terrifying, I don’t want Yerim to be in that position.”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

After that one night, Jungeun was supposed to give in to her efforts and hopefully stop being so cold towards her.

Never did Jinsoul expect for it to get worse. Exchanging contact numbers seemed to be absolutely useless, because Jinsoul’s messages had been left unanswered and unacknowledged. She tried to call a few times but it either had a ‘busy’ tone or the call was hung up within seconds. It terrified Jinsoul to know that Jungeun could decide to cut her off just like that if she felt her boundaries had been crossed. Yerim had been coming regularly for classes but Jiwoo was the one sending her home at the end of the day. As fate would have it like it had her other problems, Jinsoul and Jiwoo aren’t on the same schedule at all. Jinsoul wasn’t called back often because some classes were smaller now.

“Are you serious?” Jinsoul whines, kicking against the sofa.

A pillow smacks her in the face right after.

“Stop moping around, mad scientist.” Sooyoung groans as she shifts her position on the beanbag. She offered to stay the night since her best friend proved to be spineless and completely incapable of taking care of herself. “I barely slept a wink last night because you were making so much noise with that darn toy…”

“It’s called a _Gundam_ , you uneducated swine.”

That’s beside the point though; it’s a fact that Jinsoul hasn’t been sleeping or eating that well. She finds herself unable to fall asleep, resorting to drinking or building her models, unfortunately occurring in the most unpredictable timings. It’s not exactly Jinsoul’s fault that Sooyoung keeps coming over and sleeping on the sofa instead of her bedroom. It’s almost as if her queen-sized bed can’t be compared to the sofa, which is ridiculous because she paid twice the price for it. Then again, Jinsoul has a knack for attracting weird people as friends, and naturally receiving some side effects of the person too.

Adjusting the blanket that’s covering her legs, Sooyoung puts an arm behind her head so she’s resting on her it. “Have you spoken to her today? Or at least got a response?”

“No.”

Now, Jinsoul might be a big dork who could hold herself accountable and make sure to be understanding of people’s circumstances, but she gets hurt far too easily too. This is probably the only window that Sooyoung wants to be around for; the woman needs to be protected as much as Jungeun does too.

“Okay… you didn’t hear this from me, but Jungeun misses having you around too. Apparently Yerim has been asking why you haven’t gone to their home and why _her_ Jindori is not in class every single day. How long has it been since you went to school?”

Jinsoul’s heart softens at the mention of Yerim; the young one had gotten attached to her so quickly…

“Shall we do something?”

_I don’t like the sound of that at all._

***

“JINDORIIIIII!!”

Looking up from her phone, Jinsoul doesn’t have sufficient time to react accordingly before getting bulldozed into a hug. As tiny arms wrap around her neck and small legs cling to her tightly, Jinsoul feels the not-so-subtle mumbling into the crook of her neck. She recognizes that high-pitched voice filled with excitement, and giggles as she ruffles Yerim’s hair. The moment Sooyoung suggested going to the eatery opposite the kindergarten, Jinsoul should have known she had something up her sleeve. No one in their right minds would want to go close to their workplace on their off days, certainly not Sooyoung.

_Sooyoung’s a psychopath._

Ushering Yerim off to play alone at the playground, Jinsoul throws her empty burger wrapper at the taller woman.

“Are you out of your mind, Ha Sooyoung? Jungeun is going to kill me when she finds out about this!” Jinsoul all but screeches, flailing her hands in the air as she continues to ramble on and on.

Tossing a French fry into her mouth, Sooyoung ignores Jinsoul’s behavior effortlessly. She came here with a purpose of her own, so she will be the one answering for it.

Realizing Sooyoung isn’t going to give her an answer or acknowledge her loud complaints, Jinsoul heaves a sigh. She just knows Jungeun is going to have her skinned alive for abducting her daughter out of the blue; worst still, they’re not even on speaking terms right now! Even if this whole fiasco was thought and planned by Sooyoung, the woman most probably won’t be coming after her. There is an immediate defense that forms in the shape of the tiny woman with grapefruit-colored hair, who could body slam each of them if she bothered putting some effort into it. Sooyoung would be happy to accept that body contact, being the huge disgraceful pervert that she is.

Jinsoul buries her face into her palms, agitated at this whole outcome. What if Jungeun breaks every form of contact with her? Instead of making things better, it goes downhill instead. The mere thought is making Jinsoul panicky and flustered.

“Jindori…” Yerim comes up to the fretting brunette, her tiny hands pulling on Jinsoul’s wrist. She expected to have fun at the playground with her two other favourites, not play by herself. “Come and catch me?”

_God forbid those puppy eyes; the power they have is too much._

_Screw it._

_If Jungeun ever finds them here, Jinsoul is going to attribute all of this to Sooyoung’s stupidity and Yerim’s puppy eyes…. And her endless pining for the younger woman._

Sooyoung snickers as her eyes follow Jinsoul and Yerim – the woman is so whipped. She deliberately dropped Jinsoul at the park before heading to the kindergarten; the younger would have a fit if she knew what Sooyoung was planning to do. One of the reasons why Jinsoul doesn’t have the opportunity to do more for Jungeun is because the former can’t gather her balls and be the pushy one. It took Sooyoung less than two hours to figure out why Jungeun is trying to shut Jinsoul out, and to formulate a plan in less than an hour after. Jinsoul, being the gullible woman she is, took Jungeun’s word for it and stayed away to give her some space.

**[jiwoo** **🥟** **💝** **]**

You took Yerim

Why are you meddling

 **[sooyoungie** **🦢** **🎀]**

I’m not ☹

we both know jungeun wants jinsoul

**[jiwoo** **🥟** **💝** **]**

It still isn’t our place to do anything

She’s going to be mad

What if she blames Jinsoul-unnie?

**[sooyoungie** **🦢** **🎀]**

I’ll explain to her

jinsoul was mad at me too

_Stupid Sooyoung._

Jiwoo reads their messages again; as much as she knows her best friend’s temperament and harsh words, her girlfriend is right. Jungeun is nowhere near ready to have some ‘space’ – the woman needs good company and someone who’d treasure her. Being friends with Jinsoul for so long, Jiwoo knows there’s hardly a mean bone in her body. Unlike Sooyoung, the younger between the two has a timid personality and not one to push boundaries either. It scared Jiwoo after knowing Jungeun practically ignores Jinsoul every day; it could push Jinsoul away for good and with the wrong mindset, in fact.

“Where in the world could she be?”

“Jungie… maybe she’s with her friends?”

Jungeun stares at her best friend with a bored expression – what friends were Yerim even close to since moving here? None; not close enough to go out with after school at least. That’s not even the least bit believable.

Narrowing her eyes at the crinkle of a smile on Jiwoo’s face, Jungeun strides over to the woman and jabs a finger against her shoulder. “Does your giant have my daughter, Kim Jiwoo? Because if she does, I’m going to kill the two of you.”

It doesn’t take more than two minutes for Jiwoo to start stumbling upon her explanations, which typically happens when she’s trying to lie. A dumb, poorly thought out decision, really, what is the point of trying to get something past Jungeun? They’ve spent three-quarters of their life being best friends; ever since they were in diapers, Jungeun could say everything about Jiwoo with her five small fingers. If Jiwoo is planning to fool her with some lame excuse, then she’s definitely going to need more convincing.

“Tell your girlfriend not to appear in front of me or I’ll break her nose again, but it won’t be an accident this time. Now, drive us there.” Jungeun warns, slamming the car door close.

**[jiwoo** **🥟** **💝** **]**

I hate you.

We’re so dead.

**[sooyoungie** **🦢** **🎀]**

You love me

See you at the park two blocks down

Jiwoo doesn’t dare to open her mouth, lest she pissed her best friend off even more – Jungeun has way too much of a temper for her to try and push the limits a bit more. In contrast to what her girlfriend thinks, Jiwoo is not any wiser about Jungeun’s actions too. Based on how well she knows Jungeun, Jiwoo has been making her own assumptions and imaginary explanations but it does not change the truth. It’s been absolute radio silence since the night that _son of a bitch_ visited. Jiwoo just knows the latter is dying to ask about Jinsoul’s injured shoulder.

“J-Jungie… I’m sorry on Sooyoung’s behalf.”

“I know you had nothing to do with it,” Jungeun mumbles, knees pushed against the dashboard. She rests her arm across her face and against her closed eyes. “I’m still going to kick Sooyoung’s ass though. I hope you know that.”

“Go ahead.”

With the peaceful silence that engulfs the two of them, Jungeun lets her mind wander off to someone else; someone who could preferably turn up when she finds her daughter; that same person who had the power to turn her entire world upside down. It terrifies Jungeun to imagine a world like that, one where she has insufficient control over her own emotions and future. For years, independence and strong will has been Jungeun’s motto in life; knowing no one else could have an impact major enough to affect her or her daughter. Now with Jinsoul’s sudden resurface in her life, that former balance is nowhere to be found.

How is Jungeun going to pretend she can do well without Jinsoul again? It happened once before, and it took a lot out of Jungeun to stand up on her own two feet. If Jinsoul repeats her actions from their university and dips once they’ve reconnected, Jungeun’s life may just be ruined.

“Look, you can hurt my girlfriend all you want but please…” Jiwoo places her hand upon Jungeun’s, taking advantage of the red light to speak to her best friend. “Don’t blame Jinsoul-unnie for this. You know how Sooyoung is like, so it’s not likely that she knew this would happen.”

_Of course, she didn’t._

_Jinsoul always knew when to hold the boundaries with respect to others._

_It’s Jungeun that doesn’t._

It’s something to be worried about, especially after Jungeun spots a familiar brunette playing catch with her daughter; the taller woman pouting when Yerim slips under her arms. Jungeun watches with bated breaths as Yerim continues to be an imp, constantly going up the slide instead of using the stairs in a bid to make Jinsoul follow. She knows how much of a nuisance Yerim can be when she is around people who will play along with her antics. Jinsoul, obviously, is not going to be a stick in the mud – she can’t, not when her job involves her taking care of all kinds of children – probably why Yerim finds this more fun.

Jiwoo leans against the car with her arms crossed over her chest, sunglasses perched on her nose bridge. “Aw, they look adorable. Jinsoul does look a bit tired… but Yerim must be having the time of her life. Just look at their smiles together!”

The woman is right.

Jinsoul has Yerim in her arms, the girl screeching and squealing at the thrilling sensation of being thrown into the air and back down. The adoration in both their eyes takes Jungeun’s breath away; a sight she never thought she’d see – not after what happened. Why would Jinsoul be so welcoming towards her?

“HA SOOYOUNG! COME HERE!”

The way Sooyoung drops her pack of fries and stares lovingly at Jiwoo makes Jungeun want to barf. She’ll never understand how quickly Sooyoung turns into a small fluff ball around her best friend. It’s both weird and oddly intriguing, probably because it reminds Jungeun of her past self. Her huge crush on Jinsoul turned her into someone unrecognizable; constantly wanting to see her and spend more time together at the expense of her own grades. Jinsoul didn’t even have to lift a finger or say a word, everything she did was picture perfect. What made her all the more attractive in Jungeun’s eyes were the woman’s imperfections behind the scenes that were safely hidden in the dorm.

Everything the world couldn’t see, Jungeun could. Whenever people think they know Jinsoul for who she really is, Jungeun would keep her mouth shut just to give them the momentary satisfaction

“Jiwoo, I missed you!” Sooyoung lunges at her much shorter girlfriend, wrapping herself around the woman like a koala shamelessly. She seems to have forgotten who else is there in the world. “Oh. Hi, Jungeun.”

_Hi?_

_Is that it?_

“Wow. ‘Hi, Jungeun?’ seriously?” Jungeun is seething with anger when she remembers why they’re here in the first place. She just wants to smack the goofy smile off the culprit.

Sooyoung yelps when she feels a strong grip on her shoulder, effectively shoving her girlfriend in front of her as a shield. She stops Jiwoo from turning around, making sure there is someone in between Jungeun and her. She knows that once Jiwoo is out of the way, that would be the end of it all. Jiwoo, on the other hand, sighs as she holds her best friend back with one hand, the other trying to get her girlfriend’s off her shoulder. Ducking just in time to avoid a punch, Sooyoung unconsciously curses under her breath. She doesn’t notice the slight tremor of Jungeun’s eyelid which only happens when the latter is _pissed off._ The next time Jungeun raises her hand, it actually flies straight into Sooyoung’s left cheek.

Jiwoo’s jaw goes slack, eyes darting from left to right as she registers what the heck happened. Placing her arms under Sooyoung’s armpits, she helps to lift the taller woman up from the ground.

“Is that Mommy with Aunt Jiwoo?” Yerim stops wriggling in Jinsoul’s arms, craning her neck to look over the teacher’s shoulder. “Let me down, Jindori… I want to go see my Mommy…”

If only Yerim knows how fast Jinsoul’s heart is beating right now, she probably would be screaming about why and how. The young one was just intuitive like that; kids really do have a certain kind of sixth sense.

Jinsoul adjusts the collar of her shirt and makes sure her pants don’t look too dirty; she still wants to maintain a good impression on Jungeun, even if they aren’t exactly cordial with each other. She slaps her own cheeks a couple of times, turning around to plaster a proper smile on. Of course, that confidence gets knocked out of her gut when she discovers Jiwoo and Sooyoung standing further away, with Sooyoung holding a hand against her left cheek. Jungeun’s tendency to raise her fists whenever her temper flared still hasn’t changed, clearly.

“Hey, Unnie,” Jiwoo pats the taller woman’s shoulder, giving Jinsoul a brief smile before focusing on her whining girlfriend. She would have brought an ice pack if she had foreseen this much.

Jungeun doesn’t say a word, but her lips curl upwards the slightest inch when her eyes meet Jinsoul’s and that’s enough for Jinsoul to get her hopes up the slightest bit. It’s already a huge step up from how she was indirectly kicked out from Jungeun’s apartment.

She’ll take anything at this point.

Thankfully, Yerim seemed to be faster at reading the room than the rest of the adults present. She stares at her left hand that is being held by her mother’s before eyeing Jinsoul’s fidgety one; her teacher seems so nervous and Yerim doesn’t like it.

“Mommy, let’s go…” Yerim tugs on Jungeun’s hand, a little skip in her step as she moves towards her favourite teacher. “Jindori, come. I want to go and play.”

Jiwoo and Sooyoung are way too engrossed engaging in their little PDA session near the tree to notice the trio making their way back to the playground. With Jiwoo standing on her toes and Sooyoung standing with her legs apart, their heights are finally corresponding to each other’s. It’s endearing how both of them are willing to compromise their comfort just so it’s easier. The height difference used to be one of the factors that hindered them from dating at first; Jiwoo was so insistent on having someone shorter than her that she didn’t spare a glance in Sooyoung’s direction. No matter how much Sooyoung flirted with her, Jiwoo maintained her stance and played it cool.

That was until Sooyoung had actually become close to Jinsoul and even stopped arguing with the latter – Jiwoo didn’t expect to feel threatened by their sudden closeness, but it pushed her to face her feelings.

Jungeun wants that sort of awakening too, and she got it. Why does she have to be on the road to moving on, only to get interrupted by her past? It just doesn’t make sense.

“Hey, Yerim?” Jinsoul calls out, not taking her eyes off Jungeun. “Do you mind if I speak to your Mommy… alone?”

The one-time Jungeun wishes her daughter wouldn’t be so obedient is right now, but Yerim clearly has selective understanding or wants Jungeun to combust right here. She doesn’t even pretend to think for a moment, the little one immediately making a quick dash towards the slide. Whilst Jinsoul can’t seem to stop smiling, Jungeun’s smile slowly falls off her face.

Taking the time to examine Jinsoul, Jungeun unconsciously goes back to the spot where her shoulder was hurt. She didn’t even ask how Jinsoul was when it happened because she had fell into shock and passed out – the next thing she knows, she’s on the bed. The truth is, Jungeun had woken up before Sooyoung and Jiwoo barged into their apartment and into her bedroom. In order to evade their questions and possible suspicions, Jungeun had simply opted to close her eyes. Her best friend’s overzealousness could be suffocating sometimes, and Jungeun just didn’t want to be questioned.

“U-Um… how’s your shoulder doing?”

Jinsoul gets a tad bit too happy about it and makes a show of patting her shoulder, feeling the sharp pain which unfortunately shows on her face. “I’m just fine, don’t worry. What about you?”

Would a lie be better?

Or should Jungeun wing it and tell the truth? She was already planning to tell Jinsoul about her past once they’ve gotten comfortable, since Jinsoul had taken the first step to admit why she became so distant. It’s not easy to talk and explain one’s actions, knowing that it also opens a whole can of worms from the past. Her little meltdown after hearing that; it makes Jungeun wonder if she should take responsibility too. She tried to distract herself by hanging out with her friends more, without telling Jinsoul about her feelings.

Breaking the eye contact, Jungeun casts her gaze to the side and tries to make sense of what she’s about to say. “I… I’m not doing too good. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I was worried about you. If you don’t mind, can we maybe set a date for this conversation?”

Playing alone at the playground isn’t something Yerim’s very much interested in doing; she very much prefers to have someone chase her down the slide or around the area. Interestingly enough, just seeing her mother and teacher have a pleasant conversation near the wooden tables makes her heart swell. Yerim has had two experiences with that feeling; one which makes her tremble with fear, when that _man_ appeared at their front door with an angry look. Second, whenever her mother’s eyesmile appears after hearing a silly joke or comment made by her teacher. The latter is Yerim’s favorite.

Swinging her crossed legs into the air, Yerim tilts her head to the side with a wholesome smile of her own – this is the kind of happiness she wants to enjoy and maintain for a long time.

Jinsoul, Jungeun and herself.

Just one happy family.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━﹤⋆

“Remember what I told you?”

“Oh my God, Jungeun, this is not the first time I’m babysitting. Can you just go on your date and stop being a nag?” Jiwoo snaps, running her fingers through her auburn locks. She watched her best friend go from nervous to anxious to a complete nag within an hour.

Yerim looks up at her mother and auntie, both making funny faces to one-up the other. It’s not a new sight but it still amuses Yerim, knowing her mother is still the young girl she is on the inside. Why is it so easy for _Jindori_ to make her mother behave as refreshingly as she is now? Then again, the woman doesn’t seem to have any restraints with them. “Have fun, Mommy…” Yerim mumbles, a sad look on her face when she realizes she won’t be going with her. For one, she is still in her pajamas and the woman in a black dress and with her stilettos.

Jungeun rubs her thumb against Yerim’s chubby cheek, giving her a loving kiss on the forehead. “I won’t be out for too long. I’m just going to meet _Jindori_ for a short while, maybe grab some ice cream on the way home.”

When Yerim smacks her lips onto Jungeun’s cheek, they both flinch from the amount of force that was put into it. Of course, her daughter would be excited enough to make her cheek hurt.

“Kiss Jindori for me, okay?”

And Jungeun can’t even say no, because her cheeks are too flushed for her to register whatever else comes after. Jiwoo even pushes her out of the door and slams it in her face, assuring the young one the kiss would happen.

_Well, the kiss has to happen._

_For Yerim._

_Yeah, definitely for Yerim._

Yeah, right.

Jungeun had left the apartment and gotten into a cab with a resilience strong enough to make mountains move; she will only kiss Jinsoul as a friendly greeting. After all, Yerim has constantly been giving the latter goodbye kisses – well, outside school to be safe. It shouldn’t be too surprising if she asked Jungeun to do it for her. In her good mind, Jinsoul would appreciate the affectionate gesture and remember that it was Yerim’s message.

Before Jinsoul turned up in _that._

Jinsoul had swept her bangs to the sides, shiny earrings highlighting her piercings and with a touch of make-up. She is wearing a pair of black denim jeans and a white collared shirt that was neatly tucked in in the front. It’s not overly formal but not too casual either, and that’s exactly Jungeun’s type. It’s kind of safe to say Jungeun doesn’t even remember if the kiss is supposed to be on Yerim’s behalf or her own. Either way, it is _certainly_ a win for the both of them. The contrast between their outfits screams opposites, but with very matching colors. Jungeun is used to wearing dull colors on a regular basis but Jinsoul’s wardrobe seems to be a carbon copy of hers.

“Hey, Jungeun,” Jinsoul has a signature dumb goofy smile on her face, relieving some nerves from Jungeun.

Jungeun shies away from Jinsoul’s gaze really quickly, feeling the heat crawl up her neck. “Hi, yourself… You look _nice_ tonight.” That is a huge understatement and Jungeun knows it too.

“Shall we then?”

Walking into the restaurant with her hand around Jinsoul’s arm, Jungeun can’t help but feel something’s off when some waitresses begin to bow after seeing the latter. She flinches after feeling Jinsoul’s arm snake around her waist, palm resting on the small of her back to make sure she keeps walking.

“Jinsoul… do you own this restaurant?”

Throwing her head back in a fit of laugher, Jinsoul tries not to snort at the unlikeliness of the question. “I can’t even cook so it’s definitely not owned by me or my family, Jungeun. It is owned by Sooyoung’s sister though; her daughter goes to the kindergarten.”

Not exactly used to receiving and dining in such luxury, Jungeun doesn’t try to pretend she knows what in the world is going on and leaves the decision-making to Jinsoul. The food, the drinks; everything will be decided by Jinsoul tonight – after all, the woman seems to remember everything she likes. It would also be a good time to see if Jinsoul truly holds their memories as close to her heart as she says. Also, she didn’t expect the owner of the restaurant to be as cute as she was, being all cute and short (yes, Jungeun is allowed to call others short because she is too). Then again, Jinsoul’s reaction to being pampered by the latter reassured her anyway.

Jinsoul doesn’t waste time in proving chivalry hasn’t died yet; she asks for Jungeun’s plate to be placed in front of her. She carefully divides the steak into several pieces, removing the bits of far off the sides.

“Thanks, you didn’t have to,” Jungeun smiles, taking a glance at the latter.

“I don’t mind,” Jinsoul rests her frame upon her arms, waiting for her own plate to arrive. Her grin widens as she watches Jungeun try not to express just how good the meat is.

Hell, Jinsoul doesn’t notice when her food comes and goes, or her dessert; every bit of attention she’s capable of possessing is on Jungeun and how delightful their little date is.

“I didn’t know you like desserts now.”

Jinsoul flushes at the comment; she can’t possibly tell Jungeun that she learned how to appreciate sweet things because the latter loved desserts and had an insanely sweet tooth.

“Y-Yeah… It’s actually good after a while.” Jinsoul breaks the eye contact to shove another mouthful of cake into her mouth carelessly.

Jungeun shakes her head at the sight in front of her, _what a mess Jinsoul could be sometimes._ She ignores the palpitations her heart is going through, reaching her hand out to wipe some of the cream off the corner of Jinsoul’s mouth. “You eat like a child.”

Anyone watching their interaction would suspect that they were on a date and even in a relationship; that’s how natural everything is going for them. While their friendship in university had cemented their connection, it’s the current state of affairs that kicked their asses into movement.

Jungeun subtly pinches her own cheek to make sure tonight isn’t a dream that could be forgotten after a while. The surreal feeling of going on an actual date with _the one that got away_ hits so deep; it triggers a sense of paranoia and exhilaration simultaneously. The fear of things going down the wrong path constantly pesters Jungeun’s mind, but Jinsoul’s presence always make it better.

“Shall we head back to the car?” Jungeun suggests, compiling all their cutlery together. She needs to get everything off her chest before they can move forward together. “I… We still need to talk.”

“Yeah, just let me say bye…”

Jinsoul jogs back to the kitchen where the owner stands, busy baking fresh rolls of bread for the next day, sending air hugs to thank the latter for keeping a table for them. It’s no wonder Jungeun couldn’t recognize the owner, she doesn’t look like Sooyoung at all. 

*

Taking a walk together back to the car after fighting over the bill is probably the most soothing feeling in Jinsoul’s chest; she was prepared to send Jungeun home right after they finished dinner. The element of surprise never fails with the latter around, seemingly, but Jinsoul won’t ever complain. An opportunity to spend time with Jungeun in their own world would be a dream come true. Just watching the woman have a breakdown in front of her because of her selfish decision broke Jinsoul’s heart – never again. The last time Jinsoul backed off because she didn’t have the balls to come clean, they lost contact and Jungeun obviously didn’t go through a very happy relationship.

Jinsoul didn’t want to see that man around Yerim or Jungeun ever again; the emotional and mental trauma had been evident when he stepped foot into the apartment.

When Jungeun stops walking and tugs Jinsoul to stand behind her, the older woman feels her heart skip another beat. Jungeun doesn’t hesitate in making herself comfortable in Jinsoul’s arms, effectively trapping them in a back-hug.

“Thanks for tonight, by the way,” Jungeun turns her head very slightly, only to flinch when she realizes Jinsoul’s face is right in front of her. She clears her throat nervously and leans in to press their cheeks together with a burst of courage, “I know you should be angry with me for how I ignored you but you aren’t… and I wanted to say thank you.”

Ducking her head just that little bit to nuzzle against the crook of Jungeun’s neck, Jinsoul tightens her arms around her waist. There are several things they have to trash out and clarify, maybe in an hour or so. Just standing together on a bridge overlooking the river under the moonlight makes her heart flutter. The cherry on top, of course, happens to be the fact that Jungeun initiated the skinship.

“Jinsoul?”

“Let’s talk later… I just want to hold you for a bit.”

And Jungeun would happily oblige.

Thankfully, they didn’t even need to go somewhere else to talk, since the car was parked near the river and not in a carpark. The thought of having a good scenery somehow helps to take some of her worry away; Jinsoul just wants everything laid out on the table. She never used to have enough courage to confront her feelings, or the person she fancied – what if everything failed and her efforts come to naught? Or what if the person in question never wanted to see her again? There are too many factors to take into consideration; Jinsoul even swore she would never get involved with one of her own friends.

Jungeun reclines the passenger seat just a little, turning her body to face Jinsoul. She can’t guarantee she’ll be able to finish everything in one night but trying is better than nothing.

“I still can’t believe you and Haseul never dated.”

“Shut up, I’m still very much pissed about it,” Jungeun sends Jinsoul a death glare, a finger poking Jinsoul’s chin dimple. She doesn’t how that conclusion was even made, considering Haseul had been strutting along the corridor with someone else every day.

The pout on Jinsoul’s face deepens as she rests her head against her arm, lying on her reclined seat. She truly is a dumbass for choosing to trust her own instincts rather than ask Jungeun herself.

“Anyway… you already know that he’s my ex-boyfriend, and also Yerim’s father, _unfortunately_. We dated for about two and a half years, but things happen… and I got pregnant. It’s not a mistake though, it gave me Yerim and she’s the best thing in my pathetic life.”

Jinsoul can feel her heart clench when Jungeun’s eyes show the slightest signs of moistness. She wants to know everything the woman went through in the years they weren’t in contact. Yet by the looks of it, she might never be able to make it up to Jungeun. The trauma, distress and memories had come crashing down on her that night. Jungeun’s bodily systems gave up on her right after Jinsoul managed to scare him off with the threat of calling the police. Every detail; from the way Jungeun’s body shook with fear down to the blank gaze that was present even when Yerim tried to talk to her.

It was _terrifying._

When the post-trauma is so great that a person can’t function naturally after, those are warning bells.

“He was very nice in the beginning, you know? We had fun dates; I was friends with his friends… the first three months had gone by wonderfully. As much as I was struggling with my own problems, he made me somewhat happy – well, content, rather. We were the _picture-perfect_ couple, until his mother died in a car crash…”

A reflexive gasp escaped Jinsoul’s lips.

“Things went downhill from there; he… he became very… _violent.”_ Jungeun’s voice dips, almost to the point where she can barely be heard without strain. “I couldn’t go out without him spamming my phone, getting mad at why I was meeting friends…”

Droplet by droplet, tears began to make their way down Jungeun’s face, and Jinsoul panics. She hates seeing people cry; some need to be comforted and some need to be left alone. Even if Jungeun falls into the former category, this topic is more severe and delicate than any other. It’s difficult to venture into uncharted waters with a topic that could cause vulnerability. A mere crack in her façade and the waterworks is unleashed right here.

Jinsoul maneuvers herself with much difficulty so that she’s sitting closer, stretching her jacket sleeve to wipe Jungeun’s tears. “You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to. I understand.” Ignoring the pain in her waist, Jinsoul presses a tender kiss on her forehead.

“It hurts even more because I… I genuinely tried to love him, I did, but I couldn’t help my feelings for someone else…”

Jungeun peeks up at the older woman through her eyelashes, hoping she can do her own inference. It’s embarrassing enough to be talking about her past and that pathetic excuse of a boyfriend. With how much Yerim enjoys having Jinsoul around, it won’t be too difficult for them to progress further. If there’s anything more important than Jungeun’s happiness, it’s Yerim being comfortable with whoever it might be. After years of being an inadequate mother, Jungeun wants to ensure that she won’t be making the same mistake.

“D-Did you ever date anyone else after him?” Jinsoul whispers, pretending she isn’t in the least bit affected by Jungeun’s latest revelation. Her eyelids flutter in an attempt to blink back her tears.

All of a sudden, Jungeun’s no longer within her reach and is pacing outside the car with her hands on her hips. With curses and other unholy words that escape Jungeun’s lips, a huge breath of air is also let out. Is it humanely possible for someone to be this oblivious?!

“Jungeun? What’s wrong?”

_Curse that cute smile._

_Curse that beautiful body._

_Curse everything about Jinsoul._

“You stupid woman.”

Jinsoul gasps and her fists clench by her sides, eyes wide open as she feels a pair of lips harshly pressed against hers. She had rushed outside because she was afraid of overstepping the boundaries – _this_ was not expected at all. Her feet tense up in her shoes, albeit apprehensive of where this was going.

Jungeun pushes the woman slightly, resting her forehead against Jinsoul’s, “I was referring to you, stupid…”

“Y-You…”

“Shut up.”

This time, Jinsoul doesn’t hesitate to make her own move, wrapping her arms around Jungeun’s waist firmly. She turns it up a notch and spins them, so the shorter woman is now sandwiched between Jinsoul and the car. Normally, Jungeun would the slightest shame in her and stop the public display of affection. She absolutely detests having unnecessary attention on herself but Jinsoul? Jinsoul is the exception; always have always will be. It was the same scenario three years ago; it will continue that way. She brushes a tear that slips out the corner of Jungeun’s eye, deepening the kiss between them.

_I won’t ever let you go again…_

“Kim Jungeun… I come to find you and my daughter and you do this to me….”

* * *

i'm sorry i'm so late but feel free to scream at me here: [curiouscat ](curiouscat.me/lostinsoul)

**Author's Note:**

> let me know your thoughts here:  
> www.curiouscat.me/lostinsoul


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